So, this is a crucial part of the narrative, it's officially time to tender resignation to the fact {strong belief? Good feeling? Prayer?} that the story will come true, the number of people in my life who deserve to have their stories told and their lot in life improved just keeps mounting; for my son and Noah Deare and Sparky and Steffie and Chastity and Spooky High and well, you get the picture...
Let's see if we can make it EPIC! {or at least long, rambling and mildly amusing}
I'd just like to take a few moments of your time to explain that, although it pains me to do so, I must tender my resignation effective immediately. I am, and again it pains me, unable to work out my notice as there are ladies who wish for me to accompany them poolside today.
Please have my paperwork and any pay which may have been withheld sent to me at the address you have on file. If you have any questions I would prefer that you contact me via email.
The following is a fictitious account which may or may not have been inspired by an actual event{{{which is a complete work of fiction}, any resemblance to persons happy or sad, living or dead is purely satirical}}. or I mean coincidental {!?}}}}
AnyHoo...
You see, this is how the story unfolded, I'd agreed to re/re graphics for an event at the museum on Sunday the 11th to install posters for the TIFF event they were hosting and also to go back at 3am {as the client had originally requested} in order to free up some time to help my son with some of the running around that he needed help to do. Being a routine I usually performed once every 2-3 months depending on the featured installation, I knew that it would be about 3-4 hours with travel each time each trip.
The day started poorly; I'd forgotten that I'd removed your ladder from my car and then I missed the reminder alarm on my phone reminding me to pick up my 3" ladder from Noah's place which I'd set so, therefor, I was forced to resign myself to the fact that I should break down and buy my own platform ladder {which I'm sure I'll have use for and please excuse my use of run on sentences but that's the way it goes, sorry mom}.
AnyHoo, Long Story Short
As Chastity and I were in the drive-through {that was when you called and Chastity grabbed the damn phone, I do apologize for that it was completely unprofessional} I realized that I'd left my wallet and had to go back to get it. Unfortunately, we got distracted when I decided that in order to have the evidence footage I wanted yet still move forward with the cleaning.... I could just have Chastity film the Blair Witch scene for the interactive app that will be included with the purchase of the book. I made sure to text you to reassure you that everything was cool didn't I?
AnyHoo, LSS
To make a long story as short as possible I grabbed my wallet, a ladder and pitched out Chastity at Napoleon's place {who fired me while I was there by the way} and suddenly, I was on my way downtown. I arrived at the museum and sought out the client who, when I met her, was obviously juggling a monumental agenda. I told her that I wasn't in a hurry and I'd wait outside for her to go over the installation order for the third time, it's TIFF after all, there are big deals at stake and I try to understand what's involved in making the rich and famous feel at ease.{did I ever mention that I had created the original layouts for the donor walls and shop drawings for all the signage at the LightBox? No?}
AnyHoo, LSS
After I'd met with the client I prepared to install the first panel only to realize that you'd made them to actual size, with no bleed, {I am very, very sorry that I don't recall the conversation in which I asked you to change them to exact size but that's just par for the course}. I managed to install it well with the exception of the usual annoying bubbles to clean up, {{the flex of the acrylic messes with me but I'm a signmaker rather than an installer, {sort of like a polymath as opposed to a theoretical physasistant.}}
When I began to install the second panel I instantly and tragically discovered that the height's over by 1/2" {yeah bleed!!} but there's a GAP of up to an inch on either side on all 5 of the remaining panels.
{????????????}
There was nothing I could do with vinyl that didn't fit, I mean, it's not like I could stretch it right? Now, since I haven't been entrusted with a key to the shop I would not be able to drive back up to the shop, print and laminate 5 panels and continue. Thank God the edges of the print were black and so I asked the client if she might be able to borrow a role of Gaff tape from the Westbury National people? Badda Bing Badda Boom, 45 minutes later nobody would ever notice that you'd made them too small.
{did I mention that, to make matters worse, yesterday the sun turned the vinyl into a very thin sheet of play dough? Can you imagine trying to lay a 4' x 6' sheet of steamy play dough perfectly straight with no bleed?}
AnyHoo, LSSish
After dehydration and sunburn sundae I was finally satisfied that I'd finally completed the final panel finally if not redundantly. My satisfaction, however, was short-lived as the client didn't like the fact that there was a puddle of goo in the middle of the print on the southernmost panel. {which of course, had been there for the entirety of the 6 or 8 months in which I'd regularly been changing the graphics on these panels} This was front and centre on a very important red carpet event after event for a movie which, from what I hear, is a very important movie {note to self, check out Tom Ford's IMDB http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1053530/ }.
{Did I mention how much fun it was cheering on the runners in the Marathon? You see, while I was driving in that morning, I'd asked a cop over at Bay what was happening, "A marathon" he said, "around 11". I didn't think much of it until I was cleaning the faces and the runners showed up to the applause and cheers of a pair of young ladies at the edge of the sidewalk. I figured that since I had told Chastity that we'd have a fun day, I should join them.{in fact, I continued to cheer long after they and the front-runners were long gone, I cheered old folks and little kids and even the dogs and barrier guys at the end}
AnyHoo, LSS
It was decided by a quorum {of the client and the Studio Executive} that a new panel had to be printed immediately and, once that was done, I would completely remove the glue before installing the new panel. Now, this is where we get to point of the story's timeline at which I was speaking with you on the client's phone {at my left ear} as I was also trying to talk to Pablo {not his real name} on my phone {at my right ear {he said redundantly}} arranging to have him leave a family gathering at his son's place on a glorious Sunday afternoon to open the shop for me. He said he'd meet me in an hour, I'm sure you recall all of this because that's when I told you to trust me, I'll take care of it.
I cleaned up the area before I left and stashed the trash so to speak and hoped into my car only to find that I'd left the keys in the ignition and the battery dead{it says in the Scooby Doo owner's manual that you should always say Bisme Allah Ah Raman Ah Raheem before turning the key but I was in a hurry and forgot}
I asked a friend of mine, now, mind you, he's not just a cop, he's the cop who teaches cops how to be cops, I mean, his work has been so sensitive in nature that I can't tell you his real name, {I'll just call him Joe Five-0} AnyHoo, I asked him what the odds of a smash and grab in your area was and he said Pfffff, 1am to 5am, that's about it, not to mention that, even with the door unlocked it would take one green Motha Tucker to steal a 2000 LB printer
Let's see if we can make it EPIC! {or at least long, rambling and mildly amusing}
I'd just like to take a few moments of your time to explain that, although it pains me to do so, I must tender my resignation effective immediately. I am, and again it pains me, unable to work out my notice as there are ladies who wish for me to accompany them poolside today.
Please have my paperwork and any pay which may have been withheld sent to me at the address you have on file. If you have any questions I would prefer that you contact me via email.
The following is a fictitious account which may or may not have been inspired by an actual event{{{which is a complete work of fiction}, any resemblance to persons happy or sad, living or dead is purely satirical}}. or I mean coincidental {!?}}}}
AnyHoo...
You see, this is how the story unfolded, I'd agreed to re/re graphics for an event at the museum on Sunday the 11th to install posters for the TIFF event they were hosting and also to go back at 3am {as the client had originally requested} in order to free up some time to help my son with some of the running around that he needed help to do. Being a routine I usually performed once every 2-3 months depending on the featured installation, I knew that it would be about 3-4 hours with travel each time each trip.
The day started poorly; I'd forgotten that I'd removed your ladder from my car and then I missed the reminder alarm on my phone reminding me to pick up my 3" ladder from Noah's place which I'd set so, therefor, I was forced to resign myself to the fact that I should break down and buy my own platform ladder {which I'm sure I'll have use for and please excuse my use of run on sentences but that's the way it goes, sorry mom}.
AnyHoo, Long Story Short
As Chastity and I were in the drive-through {that was when you called and Chastity grabbed the damn phone, I do apologize for that it was completely unprofessional} I realized that I'd left my wallet and had to go back to get it. Unfortunately, we got distracted when I decided that in order to have the evidence footage I wanted yet still move forward with the cleaning.... I could just have Chastity film the Blair Witch scene for the interactive app that will be included with the purchase of the book. I made sure to text you to reassure you that everything was cool didn't I?
AnyHoo, LSS
To make a long story as short as possible I grabbed my wallet, a ladder and pitched out Chastity at Napoleon's place {who fired me while I was there by the way} and suddenly, I was on my way downtown. I arrived at the museum and sought out the client who, when I met her, was obviously juggling a monumental agenda. I told her that I wasn't in a hurry and I'd wait outside for her to go over the installation order for the third time, it's TIFF after all, there are big deals at stake and I try to understand what's involved in making the rich and famous feel at ease.{did I ever mention that I had created the original layouts for the donor walls and shop drawings for all the signage at the LightBox? No?}
AnyHoo, LSS
After I'd met with the client I prepared to install the first panel only to realize that you'd made them to actual size, with no bleed, {I am very, very sorry that I don't recall the conversation in which I asked you to change them to exact size but that's just par for the course}. I managed to install it well with the exception of the usual annoying bubbles to clean up, {{the flex of the acrylic messes with me but I'm a signmaker rather than an installer, {sort of like a polymath as opposed to a theoretical physasistant.}}
When I began to install the second panel I instantly and tragically discovered that the height's over by 1/2" {yeah bleed!!} but there's a GAP of up to an inch on either side on all 5 of the remaining panels.
{????????????}
There was nothing I could do with vinyl that didn't fit, I mean, it's not like I could stretch it right? Now, since I haven't been entrusted with a key to the shop I would not be able to drive back up to the shop, print and laminate 5 panels and continue. Thank God the edges of the print were black and so I asked the client if she might be able to borrow a role of Gaff tape from the Westbury National people? Badda Bing Badda Boom, 45 minutes later nobody would ever notice that you'd made them too small.
{did I mention that, to make matters worse, yesterday the sun turned the vinyl into a very thin sheet of play dough? Can you imagine trying to lay a 4' x 6' sheet of steamy play dough perfectly straight with no bleed?}
AnyHoo, LSSish
After dehydration and sunburn sundae I was finally satisfied that I'd finally completed the final panel finally if not redundantly. My satisfaction, however, was short-lived as the client didn't like the fact that there was a puddle of goo in the middle of the print on the southernmost panel. {which of course, had been there for the entirety of the 6 or 8 months in which I'd regularly been changing the graphics on these panels} This was front and centre on a very important red carpet event after event for a movie which, from what I hear, is a very important movie {note to self, check out Tom Ford's IMDB http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1053530/ }.
{Did I mention how much fun it was cheering on the runners in the Marathon? You see, while I was driving in that morning, I'd asked a cop over at Bay what was happening, "A marathon" he said, "around 11". I didn't think much of it until I was cleaning the faces and the runners showed up to the applause and cheers of a pair of young ladies at the edge of the sidewalk. I figured that since I had told Chastity that we'd have a fun day, I should join them.{in fact, I continued to cheer long after they and the front-runners were long gone, I cheered old folks and little kids and even the dogs and barrier guys at the end}
AnyHoo, LSS
It was decided by a quorum {of the client and the Studio Executive} that a new panel had to be printed immediately and, once that was done, I would completely remove the glue before installing the new panel. Now, this is where we get to point of the story's timeline at which I was speaking with you on the client's phone {at my left ear} as I was also trying to talk to Pablo {not his real name} on my phone {at my right ear {he said redundantly}} arranging to have him leave a family gathering at his son's place on a glorious Sunday afternoon to open the shop for me. He said he'd meet me in an hour, I'm sure you recall all of this because that's when I told you to trust me, I'll take care of it.
I cleaned up the area before I left and stashed the trash so to speak and hoped into my car only to find that I'd left the keys in the ignition and the battery dead{it says in the Scooby Doo owner's manual that you should always say Bisme Allah Ah Raman Ah Raheem before turning the key but I was in a hurry and forgot}
I asked a friend of mine, now, mind you, he's not just a cop, he's the cop who teaches cops how to be cops, I mean, his work has been so sensitive in nature that I can't tell you his real name, {I'll just call him Joe Five-0} AnyHoo, I asked him what the odds of a smash and grab in your area was and he said Pfffff, 1am to 5am, that's about it, not to mention that, even with the door unlocked it would take one green Motha Tucker to steal a 2000 LB printer
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