Mystic flux

I lay here wide awake aware of all the care and fear. Hopes and dreams are far away Bound by not somehow I stay Till time escapes to join the fray Here I am to lose the day

So this is what it means to be beat Beat on the street feet fallin fast The hum of the city vibrates The stately buildings reused and abused Shadows of majesty past

I thought I'd found my journey's end, but checking in with desperate urgency a quick detour to the land of fish A wave of hair, a pucker skewed, why tonight? It's time to sleep, it's time to dream, as that isn't where I've been.

now far away and long gone find myself back here I found a part of me so long buried A little above the fray saw the spectres in the subtle glow Golden locks on givechy black dimin Demure grey coiffed just so A thousand voiices hushed and low A dozen more with nightlife horns to blow

at the parkway the trip must begin it's decent through lucid and dreamlight the party is turning it's spotlight within The one who is talking so long held within One line ll deliver to move to the end. the voices continue the noise never endss

hve no idea where my footseps be hitten Got nothin but voices and tires and the street she be hummin And why am I here and why did I come and when can I leave if I ever want to The night she is buzzin and so long since I've felt the hum, the warm chill of december  and none can decifer the rambling moron a

forget correcting the product let flow the creative in natural form The columns do dtand (stand) from a great many hands Long gone from this planet to where none understands

it's time to realize that the trip is through time through the architect's eyes

The street is a mocking jay

I came in, she was there, and past her I floated, my mind a little trippin What does it mean, what I wanted to see? It had not yet begun, yet I was a having such fun Don't rush, no need, there is time to for what you're here to see. Come up, sit down, sly smile, does she know? Way up high she touches sky, for the trolls she does her show. Waiting, watching, does she know? I think she does, it seems she's waiting. Go away dark, errant ray, it's time to find whats to say. It started out normal but that was not to be, I began to speak and ran on my way. The lips moved with no inhabition, talking as if to some psych clinician Telling the truth as I thought that I'd seen it, she watched, smiled and nodded agreement On and on I ran till I knew it was time, I had to find out whence she came A small planet I'd guessed in a galaxy where this was sane She laid it before me in it's surrealistic glory A healer of shakras, a mystic seer of auras And it all ...

Many months of frustration and delay Finally a little progress made At least enough to take it live At least it's better than nothing. Like every other obstacle in the geeks kingdom This one seems insurmountable It may be just a little virtual button But now it's become my bane Some colourful pixels that work some voodoo magic And the gods of geekdom laugh At this ignorant knowitall

Silver twinkies where they don't belong Creamy filing coming on strong The scene, the feeling just seems so wrong Surely we won't stand this pressure for long Humans and snack foods, a big hungry throng Pressing together, pressing the frenzy along Please tell me where in this mess do I belong?

The start of new day Full of hope and promise Hope and promise? Who starts the day with hope? What promise does this day offer? The oppressive weight of being? Or the opportunity to escape? Escape is easy, if only an illusion, it's the journey to a new reality which is tough. Does he know there is a new reality awaiting him? Or will it take him thirty years to see? And what strength will he have to fight? It's my job to show him how to find his way. To let him know that he IS ok. Normal is a relative word it's meaning stretched to their limits Is anyone normal today? He has the power, he has the smarts He needs direction and self awareness I need to push but just enough I need to follow through so he can see He's strong enough to lead but when the time comes He needs to be humble enough to be followed. Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

If you want an example of just what is wrong with my head Here it is and why it causes me sich dread To support and surprise was the inteded action But dates were mixed up in life's unending distraction The chance come and gone, no other to follow So now  i shall suffer with  regret and much sorrow

Am I back to writing fifty words about fifty words? Wow, I am such a talented turd Maybe I'll write about sadness again Cry for the ONE who has caused me my pain A long desert road that goes on for miles With nothing to cheer me but my lunatic smiles I reached out to touch the burning red fire I felt in my heart that it was true desire A time to love and claim what

Sitting by the lake, crickets chirping a cheery song. The moon, near full, casts a soft glow amongst the pines and the jeweled black sky above our little clearing sparkles with ancient stars. We've paddled in by moon again, the joyous end to an easy day. And now we've settled to our respective words, he consumes and I produce. I sit and wonder if the other folks, the ones with which we share this lake, have any clue the peace they shake? Natures world is settled now, the creatures move with barely a sound. Some hunt and others gather but none of them yell or roar with laughter. I know it's my preference to get away and this is not the best place to stay. The motors roar right through the night and my tranquil thoughts abate in flight. I've broken down to rhyming trite to make a point that's sadly right. I know I'd feel the other way if I had a cottage at which to stay. A boat to ski would be such joy for one who'll be a teenage boy. I guess I...

Did I wake today? I rose with a start A black satin sheet draped across my heart Too many wonders, Frail heart torn assunder Echos of laughter mock the silence Breaking  tranquility like sadistic violence

Bright sunny day Men and children play Gentle waves lap the shore Ignorant of what came before A rhythmic nature's dance My willing soul entranced This to be my special day The one we spend just how I say A drive to laugh, a joke to share A time for breakfast who knows where The water's edge my favorite place To fish and swim at turtle's pace Enjoy the people and the sun Just the boys and silly fun Many more are sure to come Memories when all's said and done Looking back I know he'll say How special was this Father's day. Sent from my "contract free" BlackBerry® smartphone on the WIND network.

sitting here wasting time do something useful, write some lines how is this useful, all that i do is whine

The day was off to an inauspicious start, late and lost and without my Crack I raced across the city with my anxiety barely in check. Days like today are hard to keep in perspective, the loss and uncertainty are so close to mind, the abuse never far behind. But today worked out I think and for that I'm thankful. To keep moving forward I've learned that the words I've said, the lip service I've paid, has not fallen on totally deaf ears. To accept uncertainty and accept that it can go the other way is a major challenge but the only option for keeping on track. I've said before and I'll say again, and if you believe or not in higher powers matters not, buchra ensha Allah. Make what you can of every day and let the unknown be, without fret or bother for what might not be real. If life is full of doubts and fears then you'll mire in the brackish swamps of the mind and only glimpse the world that lives beyond. Tomorrow has come and past a thousand times and I was...

here again the last resort the mind and ego's sad retort to karma rolling over being into darkness i might be fleeing today the cycle brings me back the body working to keep mind on track and then when 'dorphines start to wane allowing hope to ebb again for all alone i face the future with my actions fate was sutured as what i seek may not exist fate gives the knife it's final twist

when and where are not the questions how is to the point and why is a given to think to work to channel energies the good and bad are mirror images of each other the trick is in the flip fallen heros stood for time an image of strength and honor and now to keep to the path ignoring the pressures and fears the self is the only voice that matters the goal is to teach a new vocabulary the day is young and the opportunity exists to maintain the goals and follow through one day one job one challenge at a time

i lost a friend today, a symbolic gesture but painful all the same. the shit show continues and seems to have no end, a fact that i'm sure isd more evident to others than to me. the questiuon now is what to do, how to make it right, to find the path that seemed so bright is the way through rhymes so trite? stupid thoughts fill my mind about where and when and why about feeling alone and misunderstood how clear can i be? but i'm blind to what others see i know that it's long past time to be free to move on and up and succeed but this sense of duty won't leave me alone i've stayed again and again till the there was nothing but a shell till something collapsed and rose up to flight and again drawn back for the umpteenth time because of who i am why can't she understand i can see the point that's made, there's no room for us in amidst all of this doubt, rambling of promises and cycles unbroken what was the date that i last acknowledged my inscesant lip serv...

no way today for things to say the fog too thick to do my blog the grey matter it seems is scattered but try i must or brain may die and then my best will be like all the rest

i am here, take my hand i will lead you through your bad land but all is dark and i'm afraid the path is gone that i had laid there are many ways to best the obstacles you face but if i stumble, if i fall if i come to an impassable wall now is the time to make your stand all you have to do is take my hand

big people in a big world passing their days oblivious in the sky below, the rest of us toil, meek and humble building and searching, making what we can for shelter stowing what we can for food some day will i be the one to fall under foot? some day will the sun come out and elevate my existence? or will i toil for all my days in the shadow of pitiful giants?

the lion circling her pray is she afraid to fail does she think of her cubs what higher function brings us fear what purpose served by ideas overwhelming is there some higher order some twisted soul who watches down amused by trivial life turmoils the clock that's ticking is not my own the gentle snores and incessant clicks remind me that i can't escape a lie of course but today i am not lion.

sometimes reminders are needed sometimes a light needs to shine on the dark recesses of reality somtimes we're wrong sometimes we fall back to the old path, well worn and clear sometimes we forget that life is not easy sometimes we screw up so bad there is no going back i hope this is not one of those times

some things were not meant to be is there solace or insult in that what are you waiting for? you, i can't believe i found you you found me and i found you you were looking for me? all my life have you known for so long? there are none like me just the one can i be me for you will you let me enjoy in my own peculiar way i can offer what you've only dared dream of i could not ask that of you you didn't so you would give freely? i would give gladly and what do you want of me enjoy some things were meant to be can i take you to the moon? lead me where you will do you like the view very much this is a wonderful place to be i thoroughly agree there's something that's turned out wrong are we not where you want to be? yes am i not who you want me to be perfect in every way then how can something wrong i'm not what i portrayed me to be but why did you take me to the moon to tell me this is where i like to be then here you'll be free daggers and roses and sweet cool w...

a new day a new begining a little better than the last a little slimmer, sleeker moving fast a new day a new opportunity a little better than before a little stronger in the mental war

new habits work hard sexy is a state of mind random thoughs escape my head its hard work or soon be dead

old habits die hard a new life to start when will it come when all days are done no one to blame no way to stay sane

chewed up and spat out i can see it coming sitting here consumed with fear weak pathetic self serving doubt get up and move do what must be done and leave pity behind like so many times before opportunity is slipping by lip service is not enough this time hello, are you listening what the fuck are you still doing here?

words like sad and angry words like nervous and fear words like stop it and shame words like harder, trying and tear blocked mind static energy churning burning and moving not the path shrouded in smoke of battles fought casualties all we march to an unknown future the strong survive the weak hide down here

the future i want is loosely envisioned the road map to get there is understood time now to start to formalize, prioritize, exercise. without structure there is no direction without the target there is no aim going in the right direction is all well but without focus the effort is wasted, the goal will always elude.

if i count to fifty to fulfil my commitment would that appease the creative dios? uh, no. and besides, one to fifty is only twenty three words if you omit the repeaters. the magic fifty worked for seuss, green eggs and ham sam i am sam i am. seuss i'm not. though is wish i were freedom and whimsy and still a concerned citizen of the world, to that standard i must strive to nurture the inner child and bannish the childish man

third times the charm no freedom, trapped again down here no, that's not entirely true several nights of doing things too long ignored right now my duty calls and i pretend not to hear right now i want not to face her nor her voice to hear right now i want to run to the bush alone and sombre sanctified instead the same old crutches prop me abet my escape from what's inside it's time to move on to what must be done the fear is not so gripping when held up to the sun

sitting scared waiting fear of what why sitting too many gifts to waste too many days spent sitting

How does it go? You may only be one person to the world but you may be the world to one person. No, sorry, not the way it worked out. I know how much I mean to one but I'm not the world to anyone. I can bring the world to many, I owe it to them to see it through. No. Wait, do I owe it to them? Do I owe it to the divine inspiration from whence it came? Do I owe it to him as inspiration and role model? Yes, I think most of all that should be enough. In reality, I must do it to redeem myself in my own eyes. What will it mean? You can't succeed by feeling sorry for yourself. Not hard to tell if you've been reading.

how am i to change the world when i can't even change myself?

i sit here and wait, patient and proud. alone a sea of faces, the muted din of a crowd i reflect we gather for a rite of spring as we've done for many years community there could not be a more typical group my peers parents, grandparents and sibling to hear the children play music two seats to the left, six to the right empty others all around chat, catch up, reminisce socialize the few i know don't see or care and so i sit resigned she's said it so many times, always with intent to injure she failed but now i see the signs, and now i know it' s true.

i actually can say that i've made an effort to write. too bad so sad not good enough. don't try, do. today i spent 10 hours out in the hot sun and the job from hell is still not done. the question is, will i learn from this? i just learned that i can use the forward command and not lose my posts. why did i call this post insomnia? because i can't sleep and i'm not the only one. i can't imagine what it must be like to suffer through so much pain, to try so hard and be so comletely taken for granted. what can i do? after the last 6 months i cant open myself up. there is too much anger, both sides. i wish i knew where i was. i'm here somewhere. i think. i know that i have to be here, i know that i have to move forward the question is, can i survive trying to walk that line? where are my goals? was that not what this was all about? regroup, re-assess, reaffirm. let's try to finish another thought and then try to sleep again. tomorrow will be hell. hmm. is that ...

why do i do this to muyself? the same problem over and over. i can do anything, but choosing what i should do and what i should leave to others is a huge problem. i think i'll make less than minimum wage on this job. oh well, it sure beats a kick in the ass.

Finally got a Blackberry, need to make it pay for itself Falling behind in my writing, major problem. Hey, why don't I use the blackberry to blog? Ok, start up the default browser and navigate to MysticFlux. Zoom in so it's readable, start blogging. Uh, why is this not working, trying to capitalize a letter doesn't work Oh well, use all lower case. Typo, backspace, what? lost my post?????? AAAAHHHH, I liked that one and now the thought is gone. There has to be a better way.

I really should know better than to think that in the arena of deceit I could stumble upon something real Not real and meaningful, just real and convenient As the cycle progresses through it's pre-ordained path, I've done little to alter the course. I've whispered at the side of the road to warn the driver of that speeding car. Turn, there's danger ahead. LOOK AT ME! I'm making a difference. Eyes closed, brief bliss. It might have replaced a little of what's missing but castles made of sand melt into the sea, eventually.

What to say, what to say No idea what the thought is for today. Well, let's just discuss the concept of the self-fulfilling prophecy It's something I hate to admit but should out of decency Yes, it helps to create Yes, there's a desire to satiate The two go hand in hand There's only so much a man can stand If I must do the time I might as well enjoy the crime

I speak in circles as my thoughts swirl The random patter as thought trains scatter A boring melodrama, a boy, a girl Two meaningless specks who don't really matter Though no one will hear this story unfurl It will certainly rend a few lives to tatters

OMG That was not what I expected. That was sooooooooo far from what I expected. I was simply looking for a pat on the back. What does it mean? Am I afraid? Why does she bring me to tears? Easy now. It's just one more sign along the path. One more voice too long dismissed. Steady on and trust your heart. Tomorrow may not be what you expect but it is what you make it.

I punch the clock and swim against the current towards the door. Stop at my desk and sit again, the pressure of the air holding me at my computer. Breath. Check the traffic, check the mail, check the news, leg bouncing. Must leave. Sigh, climb up and say goodbyes. Drive home, sit in traffic, listen to the radio, think... about... nothing. Skin tightens, pulls chest in, tightens guts. Quick breath, sigh, open door, "Hey kiddo, how was school?". Wander about, eat dinner, do a little of this, a little of that, Back to the kitchen, open the cupboard, yes, I hear you. One more handful. Loop around a little later, hold me please, make me whole. A nibble of this then a nibble of that but always one more handful. Though I hate Kraft Dinner, the crackers, white cheddar... Salty shadow lover, monkey on my back. Mistress of pure evil.

What is God? Who? Where? Need a One Touch, no one has the One Touch Got a substitute... It's even rechargeable. Will it work? Don't know until I try she said. ..... wait three weeks then get blasted as insensitive because the substitute is substandard. Not substandard, just unusable. It requires more strength than she can muster Not my fault. Not my fault. Not my fault. Spiteful, bitter, not my fault Favourite Friday flyer... What? 55% off? I'll have to pick one up. Forget, 3 times. Laugh about it Wednesday, there's still time. Thursday, last day, rush out of Walmart, down the street to Crappy Tire. Is the One Touch still on sale? The young lady said "it is, sale ends today." I had entered the parking lot at 8:53pm, I made it. Thank God.

Bukrah Ensha Allah What a wonderful philosophy, don't sweat today cause tomorrow, God willing, it's gonna be okay. What good did it do? The plans, the thoughts, the dreams. They went astray one grey yesterday. Too many grey yesterdays. Hope floats, it bobs and sways, it ebbs and flows on the tide of life. Where is tomorrow? Tomorrow's waiting to be made, patient and demanding. Make tomorrow or suffer another grey today.

Yesterday I didn't write, no excuses, no apologies, just do better. I keep telling Wayne, don't be sorry, be better. Being sorry is no way to live life. It's amazing how much like me he is, which means it's critical that I show him a better way. On Thursday I had a great post ready in my head but it was gone within minutes. I guess it's time to pull out the voice recorder again. Sharing is not about with who as much as it's about you.

50 words a day a start, a challenge... ....a dream? 50 words to free the soul 50 words to light the mind 50 words to ease the burden Just a little thought, cohesive yet un-poetic Rambling anger discharge or flight of fancy free Goal setting and forward momentum Thanks Lori Ever my inspiration.