Mystic flux

It's not a day or style It's not a thing or fad It's what you do and what you say Your example leads the way The time, short as it may be Sets the tone of all his future The way you handle stormy weather Will stay with him forever

I tried and tried, whined and cried Friendship dear has long since died And now I'll be away at last Outrunning bony reaching shadows past Tired of waiting came decision fast Nought to lose my vote was cast I still regret mistakes I've made But now they don't cause hope to fade Work and work both day and night Long now past the wane of light Tomorrow comes and I prepare For One to come so sweet and fair Wait no more for beauty rare A faith divine and not a care

It's like a dream cycle Dark voice telling me I will fail How can I succeed? A loser like me Look at all these pretty things just don't look too close They show the facade of the wizard for what it is A farce, Still I struggle to find myself, to find what really matters. I have things, a few at least, that give me status somewhere above the dregs but I judge myself as others do, the ones who really don't matter. The ones who do accept my state and work to help advance, there is only one and the best I can do is accept myself and truly lead the way.

I've defined and declared Dreamed and despaired I've blamed and defamed Denied and decried I've let myself loose on this journey so many years in planning unaware that my worst enemy was waiting just down the path to ambush me. Insidious and nearly insurmountable fear holds me in it's grip and numbs my sensation, blocks my inspiration. Fear is my comfort, companion, excuse; a reason to hide away and guarantee my outcome. Why is failure by inaction comfortable? Why can I not see this when I need to, in the moment of suspended time when consequence is far removed from inaction? Time and successes will bring renewed direction and invigorate the creative process but it's so much harder with such a small support system to fall back on. No one will be here for me so I must find it within myself to soldier on and succeed at all cost.

Shiver Quiver Feather Pain Reaching Holding Lust Insane O'rwhelmed by longing body swells Ruby red the flesh it tells Tales of darkness, tails of sting Whisked away on pulsing wing Surrender time and ride the tide No man's hand shall I abide But when She comes with iron will I will succumb to love's great thrill.

The circle must remain broken Past mistakes shall go unspoken Toward my future, headlong I fly Without the ones I thought would try To dream, design, to build and share The joy and sweat of this affair Now I sit and ponder fate Afraid, unsure I hesitate My words have left such bitter taste In ones whose trust my dream was based A fault of mind, a trait unchecked Half my life did not detect Now all my chips are in the pot I soon shall know what is my lot I soon shall know if some forgive I soon shall know if dreams will live Without a rudder, steered my course Drifting 'round with little force Around safe harbor I would stay The greatest sailor I'd portray In circles bobbed upon little swells Telling all my epic tales The dawn now touches dark horizon Through gloom I see rough seas anon Fear grips me like a vice I breath and pray I will suffice I know alone there is no hope I've built a gallows, hung the rope I must begin to start again To...

Sitting here, planning a joke on 14, telling a friend, co-conspirator, about him and his love for comedy. I don't know why it came to mind but I started thinking about my outlook reminder, the reminder that I would set to snooze for an hour or two but would always come up when I'd start working. I set it more than I year ago and, now that I work on my own, I have to set up at the home office. It's just his name, in the beginning it was to be sure I left my 9-5 job early so I could go to a play or pick him up or whatever I had to do with him. Actually, now that I think about how long ago I started the thing, I was probably taking him to the doctor for the meds he no longer takes. I needed it then for much the same reason that I need it now, when you're ADD like me, it's very easy to get buried In whatever job you happen to be hyper-focusing on at the moment. In the beginning it was just a single task that had to be accomplished, being late was the best way to unleash...