I set it more than I year ago and, now that I work on my own, I have to set up at the home office. It's just his name, in the beginning it was to be sure I left my 9-5 job early so I could go to a play or pick him up or whatever I had to do with him. Actually, now that I think about how long ago I started the thing, I was probably taking him to the doctor for the meds he no longer takes.
I needed it then for much the same reason that I need it now, when you're ADD like me, it's very easy to get buried
In whatever job you happen to be hyper-focusing on at the moment. In the beginning it was just a single task that had to be accomplished, being late was the best way to unleash the derision of Madame X in those days so I tried to avoid it whenever possible; a futile effort on my part.
When it came up again the day after the appointment I stopped, as strange as it will sound to some of you, I knew I needed to keep that reminder there in front of me.
To understand why, let's go back a bit for a sample of the twisted mind of MadameX. When I left, be it one of the times, or all of the times, it matters not, what matters is that her attitude and her attacks were quite often the same: you'll go off with your new bitch and you'll forget about him. The fact that there never was a new a "new bitch" was irrelevant to me, it always hurt deeply that she'd think I could possibly forget.
At the moment I was about to delete that reminder I knew the truth at the heart of that slander, never her intention I'm sure but there none the less, I COULD forget about him.
Never because of others but because of me and the way my head is wired. For all my life I've moved in and out of peoples lives, a drifter searching for something, always feeling that I'd found it yet, in the end, I'd found only temporary escape. Often I moved on for no more reason than I was caught up in whatever was happening around me at the time. This was the case with one of my closest friends in high school, a guy who surprised the shit out of me when he showed up as a hockey coach when 14 was 5. I digress.
It's a shame what has transpired, a shame to have him go through it all and a shame that I could picture this happening. Over time I came to realise that the secret is to get him involved and stay involved with him, as hard as that is at his age in the labyrinthian world of video game story lines. It was much easier when he was 6 and all I had to do was learn enough Pokemon to put up a convincing front.
I know now that I was right all along, I see it in the pictures of the agents we played or the videos we created (most I never completed). It doesn't matter now, what matters now is that I begin to do what's needed to be sure that's not the case in our future, to succeed for our sake and to prove that you can succeed when you have ADD like me.
The rain and the tears have stopped now, I've exercised a demon but, rest assured, both will return again some day to nurture the land and the spirit, Amen
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