Mystic flux

It's time to let the words flow out without a thought or unkind doubt To shine a light on childish schemes To bring about the waylaid dreams Stop exuses in their tracks Avoid the past's most deadly traps Onward and upward one day at a time To love oneself since true love is blind

For who and why Selfish shallow useless Sorry

Two hundred words Angry sad dejected worthless How can you give up so easily? Ten years or more have not been easy Work and sweat and toil all day, for what? For who? He needs me, that’s what I have to keep in mind. A lethal dose, there, I said it, get it out. And stare at the cursor blinking slowly Will it say anything, will it give me answers? Will the hypnotic flashing numb my brain? Tanqueray, hoorah! The truth before my eyes, to see through all the lies The desolate burning fire, licking lonesome tongues require Warmth and comfort shifting illusions singe the ramparts of hearts defences Bitter truth wrought of time a sick cruel joke of wasted mind When do feelings start in earnest and lose the shame of covert dealings When do rages suddenly abate for fear and anger twisted fate One step forward two steps back the shadows move for their attack Time to work on heart so black for tender joy died on the rack When did the boyish wonder die or did it simply run and hide The boy is here

Step one, write two hundred words It’s easy when you’re pissed off. Furious, angry, enraged, engulfed Is this word association? Ignored, obtuse, hurt ( that just came out, leave it. It’s there for a reason.) Slowly calming looking for words Perspective shame how many now? I stepped back I listened it did no good Amazing how intelligent the kid is. Maybe I should listen to him more. Is it time to realize the truth? Is it time to hide in solitaire? How amazingly ironic, lonely broken hiding scared Solace in the solitaire. Pathetic. And not even half way there. Do it, do it don’t give up the hill is steeper than it seemed But think of Theodore and the bet he won with 50 words. It’s easy to write two hundred if they don’t make sense just random words without context. So here we go for one more try. Humbled (really, is that what you think?) Pissed, I think I made that clear already. Realizing , yes I miss this place, can I find it again without the rage? Forgiveness, am I giving or asking?

What is at the core of my being? What is it that makes me soldier on? Why live to fight another day? For love? For money? For What? As long as I can remember The days have come and gone Inspiration ebbs and flows away away away Some days I find the place, The excitement of it fills me and all will be OK But no, not today. How could I ever ask her to understand? How could I promise her what was not there to give. If I could only will it I would, But no, there was no will that could And time and time again the burden The terrible weight of nothing crushing No corner is dark enough to hide you When the searcher is inside you So many dreams while mindless hours parade Flashed across a silver lining like a meaningful charade 246 thousand hours made all the silly ideas fade So many hopes the fool danced out And now just sad and lonely lout But wait... one dream has truly come about Work and work and sweat believe This time the ring you will retrieve Start afresh, and no more lies Shielded fr

I woke with a start and looked down She let a soft sweet sigh I pulled myself out carefully Trying not to wake her Silent to the bathroom I stole For refreshment And relief I stood at the sink and savoured Icy water going down Quenching my parched body Spent from the nights encounter Through the open door I see her Reflected, Nubile, dark and pure Hair of carbon black Laying perfect down her back I closed my eyes and lived again Ecstatic comfort, joy and bliss Never have I known before A conquest quite like this When my eyes I opened The mirror breathed with rage Pulsing right before me My heart jumped to my throat A silent scream i let out For standing there behind me Dark olive skin was painted With the Creole mask of death Out I ran into the hall Followed by a bone rattling sound A basso voice was chuckling With my fear he was amused As I ran into the hallway I looked back to see him follow Walking slow and steady The boney hand of death I looked up to find I was running Through som

How can it be that sorrow is all I feel? To shut off all that’s real To play the role yearning for applause Worth judged only by accolades accorded me Oh woe is me the drama queen Something, any little hint that I am not alone The little box I’ve built for me Is long since just debris Now when I feel And when I move and it seems so real I crash and burn on waxen wing To the delight of Ra, the bitter king Vane and pitiful, Hopeless, lost So sorry for myself Hiding in the smiles and jokes Afraid to face the cost Where is balance, where is centre The place where truth lies Just before it dies The search for help not quick enough Another symptom of dire disease Afraid to stand So much easier with head in sand

Never have I known pain like this I know what I want but still; the doubt Crushing weight upon my heart Unilateral withdrawl creates her void Her pain for which my guilt consumes me Hope is gone, the glimmer flattened by relentless sadness I know, I know but can't admit The future is the past unless direction changes Fifteen years of squandered time Always knowing in back of mind It's wrong, it's hollow, it's better than nought So now I face it once again It's time I choose to live Alone and desperate, dire and doubting Or free and prosperous I can not see, I wish I could not feel

Escapism is the currency Of the bankrupted heart. Two walls collide, a dark place to hide Fetal curl, small, small, get small For years, decades, centuries no doubt Bitter, empty, lonely, lashing out Lifelong friends are hard to find but fear has never left me behind

Empty, aching, all alone Living together, clones and drones without purpose Charged molecules bouncing through the ether Millions and billions without direction We are denizens of the pods waiting for Morpheus Awakening is what we seek though most don't know Our energy's wasted, drained for naught Inertia without order wears at the soul Each time a particle floats near the attractions rise Rising though the particle has passed Attraction peaks and as inertia overcomes the bond We spin off again Is there a molecule in this universe with which to bond? An energy to fuse When two molecules meet in the right aspect Two molecules charged for each other Missing links complete synthesis Through time and space the energies coalesce and two become one.

The whales at play they make big waves Dance with ease on clear blue seas 20 tonnes to pirouette Now that’s a sight you’ll not forget The wolf cubs wrestle growl and bite Instinct teaches life’s mean plight The young hunter’s time will come When sad destiny destroys his innocence And hunger reigns o’er his kingdom

Ecstatic, giddy, self deprecating joy TWO AND A HALF HOURS!!!!! I am a genius, I can take it all apart and put it back together. Who the hell needs instructions? It’s a simple fan motor assembly and it’s 30 years old That must be the problem Find a cord with a switch (good thing I saved that junk!!) Hey it works!!!! So much for theory #1 Check the switch, is there power when the thermostat kicks on? No????? OK better find the fuse, but which one?????? NONE OF THE FUCKING FUSES ARE LABELED!!!!!! Try this....?????? It does bupkiss!!!! Wait number 7..... use the tester..... it’s a good fuse.... NO!!!! It can’t be!!!!!!!!! Nothing more than a loose fuse. Rule number 1....... Check the fuses first!!!!! The world's most brilliant ass.

I am the Prince of Darkness come to you again The shadow of your desires, mirror of your dreams When you settle into thought, your world becomes my own When you let me, in I creep, to repossess your will Run you may, distract you must, to keep the pain at bay For shadows seep before my feet to fill your mind with doubt Heavy limbs and aches and pains Movement in the shadows is nigh impossible Where will you go, what will you do? Nothing out there for the likes of you Just hang your head in shame and dread as my weight bears down upon you Now I lay you down to sleep no soul have you to keep A fetal curl, protect yourself in a warm safe blanket of slumber Better yet, get a hit of whatever makes you number Run, find a friend, can you find one who wants you Listen, listen carefully, do you hear the clock is ticking? My pacing heels are clicking, dark sentry standing guard outside The dark corner in which you reside. I am Ra, I am the light, Joyous rapture day and night I am hope eternal Th