Mystic flux

Tonight your pain is worse, it’s been building as the flesh deteriorates Infection now makes every touch, brush or pressure agony And I am a monster for I feel no empathy Sunday I came home and wanted to spend time with Playa, When will you do this, when will you do that I’ve worked all day, all week without a break now it’s time to catch up with him Then I have to listen as you tell your worker how you never get any help And more painful than that “Playa puts himself to bed” a stab, but he knows better No good it would do to point out the things I’ve done, they don’t register on the scale past the things that aren’t So then, when I’m feeling ill and wrapped up trying to fight a chill Shivering, fetal, nauseous, with your bitter words to Playa, I take exception once again Fetal and shivering on the couch but to you it looks like I’m laughing at you Body aching, I want to sleep, 9:30 I tuck in Playa and read with him When I tell you I want to go to bed “well I

Feeling sorry, sad and melancholy What I know and what I hear What I think and what I fear What i’m told and what I do Shadows, dreams and nightmares Reality is fiction, Twisted by the madness One time he asked “do you ever feel you’re just a part of someone’s dream?” Not tonight, tonight it’s someone’s nightmare Tonight the gallant knight rescues the young prince from poisoning Tonight, chivalrous indeed, the Queen suspended he did repair, And the knight rides off into the night, moonlight glinting on his shining armour Within which hides the lowly troll.

I sit here trying to work same thing that I do each day Some days are worse than others as static clouds the air Today though, today is different The mornings battle was particularly bitter Today I know she sees that hope is lost Stated in no uncertain terms black and white The pain is there,the biterness, regret the wounds are weeping unhealed injuries of years of conflict To what degree was this conflict exposed? A boiling iceberg showing just the harmless tip We can get by this! just below the surface a bludgeon awaits So I check again and again dread anticipation of what she has to say A diatribe on my selfishness as it was yesterday? Worse, much worse for as the thoughts accumulate and here I diseminate and my frustration starts to disipate All the while the bits are sneaking in Infecting the inbox and seeing the that bold number one my chest tightens as I discover I have new mail It's worse today because it's not about me worse, much worse a reminder of what I must do Not

The down-trodden Dispossessed Tattered litter Collects like lint in a trap Smallest fragments of society's fabric Worn out and cast aside Misfits Miscreants Malcontents Unrequited lovers Inexpert at emotion Uncertain in relation Unable to find themselves Beaten, abused Desperate needs to fulfill Ill at ease, anesthetized She sees your mask for what it is Yet still she plays along Eyes on the prize Play the hustle Pay the price Hollow solace is yours for tonight Now run, run home and play the game Pretend you mean it and can keep it up And change again the mask.

It was a stranger who told me about you, the ways in which you help She said a lot that day, she made me think, she understood She knew she did, what’s in my head, maybe better than I. It moved me so, this stranger with the compassion for I, someone she’d only just met Someone she’d never met in reality yet could offer up advice so sage and true How ironic that she hid her puffy eyes and yet brought tears to mine. The more I learned the more drawn I felt By someone who seems to know me Know me so well and so instinctively The more I read the more I saw our pain was quite akin So here I am again, wondering and wandering Too many things to contemplate too many trains to catch It’s time to move on, forge a path for better or worse Stay true, head up and honest And time will tell what’s in the mirror Days pass by and scattered thoughts collect here It’s time to retreat and tend the wounded The future is in his hands and my strength is what he needs Gentle and active Understanding and learn

Dead Calm Stars shimmer on the black glass sea Nothing, Eternal empty echoes through time Still, Inspiration abandoned hopeless Night Long moonless lonely Distant Arms outstretched aching futile Soon Wind comes blows sweet hope Dread If gales blow down what then Lost Lost lost lost Uncharted Eager exploration errant intent Calm Foreboding heavy heart's throb Death Lurking stalking hiding before me Voices Whisper calling, nerves tense Breath.

What is it about that spot? Why does it hold such power over me? I look at you, caress you, nuzzle and coo Quickening, beating, stroking, stoking desire Tugging, pulling, clutching, disrobing Thrown to the bed, knees to the air I fall to the alter, to worship, declare Sweet sheen of satin, stained with your lust One of us is ready your panties entrust Warm musk calls to my touch One finger circles drawing out moans Arms slide under knees and squeeze, firm embrace, unmistakable desire Teasing, kissing, soft warm thighs Still circling finger, quickly growing spot Lips meet hips and finger slips ever so sweetly, just inside A gasp, a groan, hips rolling now It's time to go deeper and higher to peek My finger curls upward beconing bliss Mouth firmly planted, I devour that spot A gutteral utterance, hair clenched in fist Legs bearing down as your body explodes Extacy washes you, cleanses your soul Catch your breath lover, we've only begun I kiss your soft tummy, sweet salt of your s

Sit back, relax Take a load off Jack Breath, give it time. Paul Simon: Slow down , you move too fast You got to make the morning last just, kicking down the cobble stones, Lookin' for fun and Feelin' Groovy Take the time to do more therapy, create define Relax, give up, take your own advice it's the only way

In retrospect it was such a little ripple in a great ocean But I made it happen And I did Something Did it affect anyone? Yes, well, at least one person, and that was a wonderful exchange! I don't know how many people came to the intended conclusion The only thing I know is they interacted with it One other thing, despite the fact that it was a loco thought The odds were about 60,000 to 1 I'm disappointed that she wasn't there The night I paid homage to Skylar Smythe.

Such a fresh bright morning, full of promise and of joy Today her steps go lightly, floating through the air I've never seen her so alive and it warms me through my soul I kiss her gently, touch her hair then to the shower I go humming softly, basking in the rain, As I towel off, still humming to myself, a vision floats through the door The coy smile is all she's wearing and I'm instantly aroused by the hand she leads me down the hall silently obedient my will is hers, she knows In the bedroom there's a chair, she sits me down and stands before me Without a word she commands me and I am in my place "Do you love me?" she asks "You are the fire that warms my soul" "Do you love me?" yet again "Your will is my desire." A finger placed softly upon my lips, quiet is her wish with her hand she closes my eyes and I am hers in total surrender I sit, bound by faith in her She runs her hand along my cheek, fingers falling lazily upon my n

Night is cool, darkness complete The windows of the old building around us cast a glow through the ivy Such a forgiving place for bygone eras A little crowd sits before the screen, friends and lovers enjoy the show images jumping to mono beats near the back a project hums, old gears whirling the dancing girls Nancy Sinatra and Brian Hyland serenade from beyond that gossamer screen The one which holds back time where eternal youth and hope rein our dreams This is where our host belongs, surrounded by people, sharing his memories he's in his element of course, the maestro of our go go show His high boots shimmering, his go girl outfit revealing My thanks for the reminder that I've no partner for this dance How could he have known that I'm so hopelessly alone But yet she says my day will come if hope I can hold on Tomorrow it shall be If it is what God has written

Too many people cram in The nights last bus is heading north Weary from our fun Pushing back and up a step a group of friends surrounds me couple A move back and couple B in front Young Ms. B is pushed up and back against me by the crowd when all is settled we're on our way she has no rail to hold onto So, of course, she wraps herself draped over Mr B. clinging to his back, she nuzzles in and coos softly in his ear "I'll just hold on here and you can protect me" And he stood strong, she did not fall and tenderness flowed from her I'd lost my faith in tenderness, so often it was lost pushed away in things to do and never picked up after I miss it so, the warm sweet glow of a lover to take care of

Slow, slow it's the same again work hard at it if you want to succeed Like I always say minute to minute there is only one if not for the last minute I'd get nothing done So many people so much advice so many years It's not a choice We can fight our nature if we have the right tools Most important tool of all is understanding, mine and yours and his and theirs Impatient by nature, so hard to overcome breath, breath, is my coffee done????????? How much are the fries I don't want to wait to get my change ready till I get to your gate Your sign in window one reads French, fuck it don't bother it's not worth the time To make someone feel bad for any mild slight Am I really so bad? Just misunderstood? No, wiring trouble better call the electrician He'll know what to do.

We meet again my deaf mute friend, my cheap ass therapy How to begin is what I ask, so many things to say Let’s start a week ago or maybe just an hour It matters not I hear her say just let it flow, no form or meter needed Well here it goes my tale of woes I’ve brought upon myself It seems tonight a slander proved itself quite true Half finished thoughts escape my mind and hurt the ones around me I guess I knew from past encounters that faceless chatter kills me It’s been my theme all week, the sage advice I got was slow yourself and see the things around you And so I breathe and meditate and I’m glad to say it helps I write it out and see it then for what it is I also walk the dog to work some off, small angers and aggression The only thing that I can do is let it be for now And remember the words of my Arab friends, Boochra Ensha’Allah Tomorrow it will be, if it is what God has written

Breathing isn't helping now The pain is just too deep I know it's unjust, unfounded, misplaced But above all I know it's true Breath, breath, breath, too many things to do. Try to stop reading them Yeah, as if that's something you could do. Some day, some one will come along little solice to my heart so barren for so long I can no longer follow, or be happy for her search For in the shadow all I see's the desert of my heart

Today's a breathing day Don't get down, focus Getting harder to do Chest tightens Lonely Slow down Breath Deeper, deeper, deeper Again

Early morning warm and close the white mist rolls gently by I bring her tea as she sits by the lake, Her bare legs form graceful arcs, her soft form reclined As I approach, her eyes are closed, her face awash in tranquility I crouch beside her, she doesn’t stir as a wisp of pleasant smile crosses her lips I run my finger softly down her arm and she inhales a little deeper It has begun and I am ready again I kneel in prayer, worship her sublime softness, lips gently touching her smooth skin Kisses move up and I rise along with the form of her shoulder slowly lifting her satin wrap I lay my head down and commune with her warmth, resonating with the joy of her quickening heartbeat Her hand lies upon my hair, absent strokes strumming the chord of our bliss It has begun and she is ready Shimmering satin drapes her form, the interplay of light and dark highlight her sumptuous curves My hand rides lightly over her breasts, absent swirls of pleasure stir what’s rising within her The world and

I AM SCARED

There must be something wrong with me Silly things that touch me so Now I find something that holds so much promise It looks like all I've dreamed of Will my fragile state get in the way It's new and getting worse I think For years I could hide it It's part of what she complains about All wrapped up in faulty wires Confusion, anger, numb, and pain Silly things that I should hide And feel it when it's real.

Sad Disappointed Dejected Sorry most of all

Undeserved Despair Tall and strong majestic Knight, How can I compete?

What's the soup of the day Unpleasant whatever it is Cold and bitter My heart's a cauldron roiling, Today though, it's all v ichysoisse Cold and old and bland

She's happy, I can hear it in her voice "and he does renovations and floors" Should I be impressed? Relieved that she's solved this imminent dilemma . What do I need to do to make her understand? "We can't afford to pay someone to do that job" Yes it takes time Yes I'm overwhelmed with work Still it doesn't change the fact the funds just are not there. Aaaahhhhh , this bitterness is poison blood, squeezing on my heart.

Hey little girl, is your Daddy home Did he go away and leave you all alone, Uh huh, I got a bad desire Oh, oh, Oh I’m on Fire Tell me now baby is he good to you And can he do to you the things I don’t do Mmhmmm, I can take you higher. Oh, ooooooh, Oooooh I’m on Fire Sometimes it’s like someone took a knife baby edgy and dull And cut a six inch valley through the middle of my skull, At night I wake up with the sheets soakin’ wet And a freight train runnin’ through the middle of my head Only you can cool my desire Oh, ooooh, Ooooh I’m on Fire Oh, ooooh, Ooooh I’m on Fire Bruce Springsteen

Fear Anger Regret The beast returned tonight Waiting, waiting, waiting He had to bide his time Sure enough when patience wore too thin Run Run Run as fast as you can Wear away the strain, balance must be regained Tomorrow to explain and try try try again

How did it come about this balttle while the boy and I were out A nice dinner with my folks some marshmellows to roast So peaceful, modern Rockwellesque. I knew the call would come, a goodnight from mother to son. But when my name was called, up did come the rising dread I've blocked out most of what was said, but one thing sticks out in my head The nagging thorn that's in my side, "it's your fault that he is so mean" No respect's what Rodney said, so true it seems in this context Am I so bad? I don't think so, He's a composite of me and her and most of all the TV set But the effect is done, the ire raised, the evening clouded with a haze I meditate a little, get my mind back upright, Focus on the ones who care and rest my weary soul We'll do the best we can and keep in mind a long term plan With no map or thought to guide us on We'll soldier through because we see The light that shines ahead A new day and joys to spread.

I thought it might be coming but I said it anyway The words that have two meanings are easier to say. So now we'll see if meaning is lost without Roget.

I met a girl today, now I really don’t know what to say I met a girl today who made me feel I met a girl today she saw the things my heart conceals I met a girl today who cared I met a girl today who listened I met a girl today who knows Today I met a girl in pain, I hope that knowing this will help The scary thing to think about is that today I've met myself.

I am the Prince of Darkness come to you again The shadow of your desires, mirror of your dreams When you settle into thought your world becomes my own When you let me in I creep to reposess your will Run you may, distract you must, to keep the pain at bay For shadows creep before my feet to fill your mind with pain