Mystic flux

It's time to let the words flow out without a thought or unkind doubt To shine a light on childish schemes To bring about the waylaid dreams Stop exuses in their tracks Avoid the past's most deadly traps Onward and upward one day at a time To love oneself since true love is blind

For who and why Selfish shallow useless Sorry

Two hundred words Angry sad dejected worthless How can you give up so easily? Ten years or more have not been easy Work and sweat and toil all day, for what? For who? He needs me, that’s what I have to keep in mind. A lethal dose, there, I said it, get it out. And stare at the cursor blinking slowly Will it say anything, will it give me answers? Will the hypnotic flashing numb my brain? Tanqueray, hoorah! The truth before my eyes, to see through all the lies The desolate burning fire, licking lonesome tongues require Warmth and comfort shifting illusions singe the ramparts of hearts defences Bitter truth wrought of time a sick cruel joke of wasted mind When do feelings start in earnest and lose the shame of covert dealings When do rages suddenly abate for fear and anger twisted fate One step forward two steps back the shadows move for their attack Time to work on heart so black for tender joy died on the rack When did the boyish wonder die or did it simply run and hide The boy is here

Step one, write two hundred words It’s easy when you’re pissed off. Furious, angry, enraged, engulfed Is this word association? Ignored, obtuse, hurt ( that just came out, leave it. It’s there for a reason.) Slowly calming looking for words Perspective shame how many now? I stepped back I listened it did no good Amazing how intelligent the kid is. Maybe I should listen to him more. Is it time to realize the truth? Is it time to hide in solitaire? How amazingly ironic, lonely broken hiding scared Solace in the solitaire. Pathetic. And not even half way there. Do it, do it don’t give up the hill is steeper than it seemed But think of Theodore and the bet he won with 50 words. It’s easy to write two hundred if they don’t make sense just random words without context. So here we go for one more try. Humbled (really, is that what you think?) Pissed, I think I made that clear already. Realizing , yes I miss this place, can I find it again without the rage? Forgiveness, am I giving or asking?