Mystic flux

if i count to fifty to fulfil my commitment would that appease the creative dios? uh, no. and besides, one to fifty is only twenty three words if you omit the repeaters. the magic fifty worked for seuss, green eggs and ham sam i am sam i am. seuss i'm not. though is wish i were freedom and whimsy and still a concerned citizen of the world, to that standard i must strive to nurture the inner child and bannish the childish man

third times the charm no freedom, trapped again down here no, that's not entirely true several nights of doing things too long ignored right now my duty calls and i pretend not to hear right now i want not to face her nor her voice to hear right now i want to run to the bush alone and sombre sanctified instead the same old crutches prop me abet my escape from what's inside it's time to move on to what must be done the fear is not so gripping when held up to the sun

sitting scared waiting fear of what why sitting too many gifts to waste too many days spent sitting

How does it go? You may only be one person to the world but you may be the world to one person. No, sorry, not the way it worked out. I know how much I mean to one but I'm not the world to anyone. I can bring the world to many, I owe it to them to see it through. No. Wait, do I owe it to them? Do I owe it to the divine inspiration from whence it came? Do I owe it to him as inspiration and role model? Yes, I think most of all that should be enough. In reality, I must do it to redeem myself in my own eyes. What will it mean? You can't succeed by feeling sorry for yourself. Not hard to tell if you've been reading.

how am i to change the world when i can't even change myself?

i sit here and wait, patient and proud. alone a sea of faces, the muted din of a crowd i reflect we gather for a rite of spring as we've done for many years community there could not be a more typical group my peers parents, grandparents and sibling to hear the children play music two seats to the left, six to the right empty others all around chat, catch up, reminisce socialize the few i know don't see or care and so i sit resigned she's said it so many times, always with intent to injure she failed but now i see the signs, and now i know it' s true.

i actually can say that i've made an effort to write. too bad so sad not good enough. don't try, do. today i spent 10 hours out in the hot sun and the job from hell is still not done. the question is, will i learn from this? i just learned that i can use the forward command and not lose my posts. why did i call this post insomnia? because i can't sleep and i'm not the only one. i can't imagine what it must be like to suffer through so much pain, to try so hard and be so comletely taken for granted. what can i do? after the last 6 months i cant open myself up. there is too much anger, both sides. i wish i knew where i was. i'm here somewhere. i think. i know that i have to be here, i know that i have to move forward the question is, can i survive trying to walk that line? where are my goals? was that not what this was all about? regroup, re-assess, reaffirm. let's try to finish another thought and then try to sleep again. tomorrow will be hell. hmm. is that ...

why do i do this to muyself? the same problem over and over. i can do anything, but choosing what i should do and what i should leave to others is a huge problem. i think i'll make less than minimum wage on this job. oh well, it sure beats a kick in the ass.